Doughnuts And Cider

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LAST night I single handed fought a gang of murderers that came
To get my money or my life, and very nearly did the same;
I struggled with them on a cliff, and over it I toppled two,
I hit another one a biff that dazed him, but I wasn't through,
As fast as one was overpowered another villain forced the fight,
Because four doughnuts I devoured and used a cider wash last night.

The horse that I was riding ran away with me at furious pace,
He tossed me up against a tree, I ploughed a furrow with my face!
A farmer's bull was grazing near, and he took up the battle then
And landed me upon my ear upon the farmer's cattle pen;
An aeroplane came whizzing by, I grabbed at it with all my might,
Because four doughnuts that you buy, with cider I washed down last night.

A strange and angry beast then came, a creature with a horrid grunt,
The way he used me was a shame, he galloped up and down my front;
He had the roughest kind of feet that ever I have gazed upon,
His breath was hardly fresh and sweet, of nostrils he had only one
But that belched fire and brimstone, too; his tusks were long and sharp and white —
It's awful what doughnuts will do when mixed with cider late at night!

© Edgar Albert Guest