Unholy Sonnet 11

Half asleep in prayer I said the right thing 
And felt a sudden pleasure come into 
The room or my own body. In the dark, 
Charged with a change of atmosphere, at first 
I couldn’t tell my body from the room. 
And I was wide awake, full of this feeling, 
Alert as though I’d heard a doorknob twist, 
A drawer pulled, and instead of terror knew 
The intrusion of an overwhelming joy. 
I had said thanks and this was the response. 
But how I said it or what I said it for 
I still cannot recall and I have tried 
All sorts of ways all hours of the night. 
Once was enough to be dissatisfied.