To Stretcher Bearers

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Easy does it -- bit o' trench 'ere,Mind that blinkin' bit o' wire,There's a shell 'ole on your left there,Lift 'im up a little 'igher.Stick it, lad, ye'll soon be there now,Want to rest 'ere for a while?Let 'im dahn then -- gently -- gently,There ye are, lad. That's the style.Want a drink, mate? 'Ere's my bottle,Lift 'is 'ead up for 'im, Jack,Put my tunic underneath 'im,'Ow's that, chummy? That's the tack!Guess we'd better make a start now,Ready for another spell?Best be goin', we won't 'urt ye,But 'e might just start to shell.Are ye right, mate? Off we goes then.That's well over on the right,Gawd Almighty, that's a near 'un!'Old your end up good and tight,Never mind, lad, you're for Blighty,Mind this rotten bit o' board.

We'll soon 'ave ye tucked in bed, lad,'Opes ye gets to my old ward.No more war for you, my 'earty,This'll get ye well away,Twelve good months in dear old Blighty,Twelve good months if you're a day,M.O.'s got a bit o' somethingWhat'll stop that blarsted pain.'Ere's a rotten bit o' ground, mate,Lift up 'igher -- up again,Wish 'e'd stop 'is blarsted shellin'Makes it rotten for the lad.When a feller's been and got it,It affec's 'im twice as bad.'Ow's it goin' now then, sonny?'Ere's that narrow bit o' trench,Careful, mate, there's some dead Jerries,Lawd Almighty, what a stench!'Ere we are now, stretcher-case, boys,Bring him aht a cup o' tea!Inasmuch as ye have done itYe have done it unto Me.

© Studdert Kennedy Geoffrey Anketell