The Progress of Advice. A Common Case

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Suade, nam cerium est.
Advise it, for 'tis fixed.

Says Richard to Thomas (and seem'd half afraid)
"I'm thinking to marry thy mistress's maid;
Now, because Mrs. Lucy to thee is well known,
I will do't if thou bidst me, or let it alone.

Nay, don't make a jest on't; 'tis no jest to me;
For faith I'm in earnest, so prithee, be free.
I have no fault to find with the girl since I knew her,
But I'd have thy advice ere I tie myself to her."

Said Thomas to Richard, "To speak my opinion,
There is not such a bitch in King George's dominion;
And I firmly believe, if thou knew'st her as I do,
Thou wouldst choose out a whipping-post first to be tied to.

She's peevish, she's thievish, she's ugly, she's old,
And a liar and a fool, and a slut, and a scold."
Next day Richard hasten'd to church and was wed,
And ere night had inform'd her what Thomas had said.

© William Shenstone