Quotes by Mark Twain
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.
To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
