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Born in 1902 / Died in 1971 / United States / English

Quotes by Ogden Nash

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.
Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat.
The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.
Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Too clever is dumb.
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures - take them, George, they're yours!
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
The camel has a single hump;/ The dromedary, two;/ Or else the other way around./ I'm never sure. Are you?