Born in 1902 / Died in 1971 / United States / English
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done.
I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?
Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can't get your fingers on him.
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
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